


21 – Drunk

by Banashee



Series: Keep Going (KeGo) December 2019 [21]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Domestic Avengers, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Team Bonding, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:09:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21889462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banashee/pseuds/Banashee
Summary: The Avengers have a night off, get drunk and should have the internet taken away from them."(...)“Are you sure this still classifies as a drink or are we already in toxic waste territory?”“I have no idea what you're talking about.”Natasha is pouring an entire bottle of vodka in the bowl of punch that Steve just knows has already been spiked. She looks him dead in the eye the entire time, then she unscrews another bottle of who even knows what and dumps that in, too. There is a devious smirk on her face.(...)"
Relationships: Clint Barton/Tony Stark
Series: Keep Going (KeGo) December 2019 [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558123
Kudos: 60
Collections: Avengers as Family





	21 – Drunk

**Author's Note:**

> This is part twenty-one of this small writing challenge that @Banana_Ink and I cooked up.  
> Basically, we came up with 24 prompts, which means 24 stories for 24 days in december. A way to cope with NaNoWriMo trauma, but also something short, sweet and relaxed to keep up a writing habit without stressing too much.
> 
> Check out the prompts, and most of all @Banana_Ink as well! She will be writing for her BNHA AU.
> 
> https://banashee.tumblr.com/post/189288814786/keep-going-december-kego

**21 – Drunk**

“Are you sure this still classifies as a drink or are we already in toxic waste territory?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Natasha is pouring an entire bottle of vodka in the bowl of punch that Steve just _knows_ has already been spiked. She looks him dead in the eye the entire time, then she unscrews another bottle of who even knows what and dumps that in, too. There is a devious smirk on her face.

“Besides” she shrugs, “It's not like it will affect you.”

“No, but it will cause my taste buds to shrivel off and die, just like everyone else's. You just burned yours off decades ago.”

Natasha flutters her eyelashes at him. “You're such a sweet talker.”

Steve sighs heavily. “I'll make more food. We'll need it.”

With that, he starts rummaging in the refrigerator and pulls out a bunch of stuff for sandwiches.

Later that night, they're sprawled out on outdoor furniture on the rooftop, their bowls of devil's brew on a small table in the middle. Surprisingly, it gets drunk.

Steve refuses to even touch that stuff, being way too grossed out, but Thor is kind enough to share his asgardian mead with him, so they, too are getting tipsy fast.

As it goes, someone suggested “Never have I ever” at some point, and they launch into the game with glee. It mainly serves it's purpose to get plastered and trade stories.

Nothing is off-limit it seems. So they hear in great detail about shenanigans and strange sexual encounters, as well as a very disturbing story about that time where Loki turned himself into a horse and let a stallion impregnate him, which is met with several exclaims of “Eww hell no!” , “Gross” and “Dude, WHY?!” to which Thor shrugs and dryly replies, “Well, that was the general opinion of many people on Asgard too, although they might have chosen other words.”

“Never have I ever... Googled myself.” Natasha provides, and empties her glass before refilling it.

And this is how it starts. If anyone was brave enough to do so, they would probably blame her for it, although... It's way too entertaining.

One moment, the majority of them goes “No, why?” and the next moment, Steve is bright red up to the tips of his ears, but he's crackling while reading something on his phone. Natasha's grin puts the cheshire cat out of business.

“How on earth- How did they think this would work out?!” he asks in between fits of laughter, and oh this is amazing. Because Captain America just stumbled upon very badly written porn. About himself. And the team. In any variation imaginable.

Steve laughs too hard to be able to articulate himself at this point, and he hands his phone over to Bruce, whose eyebrows disappear into his hairline and he, too, turns bright red.

But he starts reading out loud. In a very clinical, calm and detached tone of voice, he's reading out very graphic and anatomically impossible porn. It leaves everyone hollering with laughter, which they quickly try to stifle into giggle fits because they want to hear this train wreck.

Bruce's glasses are fogging up while he somehow manages to hold back most of his own laughter in favor of keeping up the reading.

“Wait, hold on, he wraps around where while he does that? How?” Tony dissolves into a fit of giggle-snorts, toppled over almost on Thor.

“I don't think even I'm that flexible, and I used to be in the circus.” Clint down his glass of Natasha's concoction from hell, “I'd have to try, tho.” he adds, and they totally blame the alcohol, but Tony blurts out, “Feel free to” and so they end up wrapped around each other on the outdoor couch, fully dressed and with a equally drunk audience.

“How the fuck am I supposed to-” Clint tries to bend himself in the other direction, which is not only physically impossible but also hard to attempt when one is tipsy as fuck and constantly giggling.

“Just break your spine to do the nasty, no big deal.” Tony snorts, and there are laugh tears in his eyes by now. Clint collapses with a hyena laugh onto him, face pressed into the soft fabric of his shirt so that Tony can feel the heat of breath through it, which he decides not to think about for now.

Good thing he's drunk, or he'd totally start over-analyzing.

He kinda hates himself when they move around again, providing the real-life imagery to the story, which Bruce is still braving through, scarlet red in the face and occasionally interrupting himself when he can't stop laughing, but he's dedicated to it by now.

But this is probably why no one pays any attention to when Tony's mouth blurts out without it's owners permission,

“Feels kinda nice having you back there. We should fuck some time.”

Ah, shit. Brain, why.

“Sure, but not tonight, I won't be able to stop laughing to actually get anything done.” is the light answer he get's and never expected. Huh.

When the evening gets a little quieter, they somehow end up staying closer together than before. And when they're sober again and happen to talk about this, they find that drunk-them had the right idea, and they're both still very much on board with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer, this isn't me poking fun at any specific story or person, just me poking fun at the kind of anatomically impossible smut fics that... Most of us may or may not have stumbled upon in their time.


End file.
